THE REAL ME...

I was away for a while to attend some official matter and my two young daughters were at home managing on their own. Everything was fine but a phone calll spoiled the mood of everyone at home.

I just wonder how people can be so insensitive especially if they are talking to someone who is bound to be a member of their family? When I called home from the outstation, my daughter, the younger one--the firebrand, was in fury. How could it be as normally she is very sweet? Gushed forth her feelings and these were about a remark made by our new relatives-to-be about her elder sibling.

The elder one about whom this remark was made, was as usual cool and placid or was it that she hid all her feelings under the facade of being unfuffled? I felt like running to my home and holding my daughters close to my bosom to comfort them but I just could not as I was some fifteen hours' journey away from them. I tried consoling them and tried acting very casually but could I sleep that night? NO, a big No. I kept on shfting from one side to another and questioning myself about the futility of winning applaus at the conference where I projected the side of all powerful women and extolling women to take stance when it comes to getting belittled at the hands of men, but in real life I found myself to be in no way different than average multitude of women who take up what comes their way and never questioing their right.

Why was I quiet? Why didn't I call up this person and asked her of the reason behind her calling my daughter and saying a remark which cannot be treated civilized by any standards? Or was it because I wanted to avoid any unwarranted situation at this stage? Or was it because I was basically a weak person and just had no courage? Perhaps it was because at the back of my head lay a caution not to worsen up the deal.

I agree that I was weak and am guilty of being one when courage was required but the other person was so insensitive when all that was required, was a welcoming gesture. But anything from her was expected but what was not expected from me, was the indifferent attitude that I reflected.

I found that I was a weak person from inside and became weaker when it concerned people I really love and care for. I still am not able to find out what should had I done? Was not reacting good or not?

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The day marked a change in our status as a new family member has just joined our family.The feeling is just wonderful! Though by the end of the day, we all were tired but were relieved as well!

On 4th December, there was to be a ceremony when the Mama of the girl, after some religious ceremonies, takes some branches of the mango tree to be used during the marriage. And on 5th, the first invitation was to be given to the maternal side. Though my Ma told me not to over exert myself and convey the invitation through phone but the conservative me would not be happy with this mode of invitation and I decided to go all by myself to my Ma's place. As if the long travel was not just enough to discourage me, I had only one casual leave left with me and had to make a judicious use of the same.

On the night of 4th, at 3-30 AM, I caught a bus for Baijnath and reached there at 6-40AM. It was so cold that day. The next bus to Ma's place was at 7AM and to make the best use of the time and opportunity and so I went to the famous Shiva temple of Baijnath. I am really grateful to God for having given me the opportunity to go to the temple. I experience such peace and piety in the inner sanctorum that cannot be expressed in words. Taking the blessings of Lord Shiva, I proceeded to my Ma's place. Ma was not there but my Bhabhi was there waiting for me. I wondered about human relationships and how girls coming different family become an integral part of a new family. Dead tired as I was, so a big relief was experienced when I took bath with hot steaming water. Was it the arid smell of the woods or the touch of my earlier roots that made my life so light!

Then I went to our Kuldevi's temple to pay obeisance and invite her to grace the occasion of my daughter's marriage. While putting the invitation in front of our family diety, I was humbled by her love and affection and the image that flashed before my eyes wasthat of my ownself asking for a child! And today,I was standing here for the marriage of the same daughter. How time fleeces!

The day is marked for a new beginning for my daughter.The day she was born, I first time in my life realized the strange bond between the mother and the daughter. And today, she is betrothed to be married to her life partner. Today when her wiould be in-laws surrrounded her and she sat smugly sitting smiling among them, something snapped inside me. And when she was sitting with her would be husband, and looked at me with those bright eyes, sparkling with dreams and suddenly our eyes locked for a moment, her eyes brimmed over with tears. I was literally in tears, why a daughter is to be given to someone in marriage?

Looking in retrospect, I wondered about the myriad roles that I myself am playing in my life. Of all the roles that I play, which one I play with ease? I remember starting as a daughter and a sester and then graduating to a wife's role which in turn brought alongwith many other side roles and then the catapult when I became a mother and now a motherr-in-law. Along with a new role for my daughter, a new role for me was also waiting in the wings. Today when in our family photograph, Vikrant also joined, I suddenly was overwhelmed by a strange sense of love for him, as if he was my own son. Is it the way my daughter would also be feeling towards all other new relatives of her life? Yes, I am sure she also would be having the same surge of emotions in her heart and the sparkle of tesrs in her eyes was the proof that the beginning of new bonds had a little trouble to her as her earlier bonds were quite strong. It is not that the new would replace te earlier ones but the balancing of the bonds that would make her re-adjust her life. Her emotional investment would be taxing in the beginning but would bring forthe the dividends to her later on. I want her to give her best and in full to the new family that is goning to embrace her as a daughter-in-law.

Go my dear daughter to her new life and lead a happy life. Love them as your own people and you'll be successful playing alll the roles that the life expects you to play!

May God bless you!