Sunday, 22 January 2006

The final countdown for Nidhi’s marriage has started. It really fills me with a mixed feeling, on one hand I am sad that my first-born child will be going away from me and on the other hand, I am also filled with happiness that she has got a life partner she looks forward toshare her life with.

How strange is the fact that Nidhi, such an introvert and quiet girl, has developed an affinity for a boy she hardly knows. Throughout the day she keeps very reserved but in the evening the moment Vikrant calls, her face has a shine and eyes a sparkle that we never saw earlier. Is it love that is plane and naked on her face for everyone to read?

The other day Anshu read to me a portion from Vikram Seth’s “The suitable boy” where the concern of the bride for her groom whom she hardly knew, was depicted, and we discussed about the feeling of love coming without any pre-requisite to the heart of the newly-weds which helps them start life with aplomb. It seems Nidhi has developed the same feelings for Vikrant. It really feels so good for a mother to see that her daughter looks forward to marry a boy that we have selected for her and do so with happiness.

Yesterday we started with the making of “Kaliras” for Nidhi. Ashu was the one who was so immersed in making them that I wanted to take a shot of the him. With thread and needle in his hands, he so very swiftly was weaving the Kaliras or was it the brotherly love that was being woven along with! I cannot understand why the marriage albums don’t have the real pictures in them that depict the behind the scene episodes. Had I a camera in hand, I would have captured a picture. There was a touch of humour also as the bride-to-be also was fully engrossed in making the Kaliras!

My kids wondered about the importance as well as relevance of putting Kaliras in the wrists of the bride and I just could not give a satisfactory answer to that. I know I have to find an answer to all these questions so that they know something about the marriage rituals and just don’t perform them as everyone else does like a zombie.

These days Ashu has become very concerned for Nidhi and cuddles her at times like a kid sister and showers love on her which is so uncharacteristic for him as he is not the one to show his emotions. But this is what it does to even a boy as giving away a part of your life to someone relatively unknown is not an easy job. He slips inside her quilt and pats her and speaks in a loving tone. I was really surprised when like a “mom” he started directing her to be careful about her looks as well. I just wondered—do I really know them or is it only a part of them that I am aware of! It is an aspect of his personality that is new to me. He is caring and emotional but when it comes to Nidhi, he has never been very expressive.

I am very happy that all my kids are here these days when Nidhi’s marriage is so near. At least they all are enjoying each others company a lot these days. Perhaps these sweet memories would be the ones that would remain there in their hearts long afterwards and make them invest the same kind of emotions in their future relationships.

Anshu is a disturbed person these days. Even I, her mother whom she looks for all answers, have nothing to offer her at this stage. I am concerned about her as it is not her nature to be so very engrossed in such a development but she seems to be really in a state where even she is not very certain about herself. She asked me the other day—what is all this called love? I wish I could give her some answer! Is it a feeling of concern for someone that is different from the concern that you have for others? No answer. You have to find your own answer this time.

So, should it be first to fall in love and then marry or to marry a complete stranger and then fall in love with him? The question needs an answer but could there be just one answer for the same as the answer would be subjective. So all said and done, we all have to find our own answer to this question. What baffles me is the situation where both of my daughters have started having a new feeling in them but the origin of this feeling is different in both the cases. But what really matters is the end and not the means, as it is making your peace with your life and spend it happily with someone you really love and care for.